My Life be Like..

surprisebitch:

babe, dear, and hun sound so weak and cliché. if you were mine, i’ll call you sergeant, general, commander. you’d be my authority figure

(Source: surprisebitch, via ugly)

bostonprepster:

lifeisbetterin-lilly:

bostonprepster:

sc-stateofmind:

bostonprepster:

abseas:

sigmaphieverywhere:

bostonprepster:

sc-stateofmind:

bostonprepster:

Indy and I cruisin’ with the Stones, anyone want to join?

May I have your dog?

Hmmmm…. Probably not… Maybe you could rent him for a few days?

You are damn hot.


We should mate. I mean date.

That was as a subtle as a gun 😂😂😂

I still want your dog 😊

Still not getting him 😏

Can I have you and the dog?

Package deal: $29.99

bostonprepster:

lifeisbetterin-lilly:

bostonprepster:

sc-stateofmind:

bostonprepster:

abseas:

sigmaphieverywhere:

bostonprepster:

sc-stateofmind:

bostonprepster:

Indy and I cruisin’ with the Stones, anyone want to join?

May I have your dog?

Hmmmm…. Probably not… Maybe you could rent him for a few days?

You are damn hot.

We should mate. I mean date.

That was as a subtle as a gun 😂😂😂

I still want your dog 😊

Still not getting him 😏

Can I have you and the dog?

Package deal: $29.99

(via daring-beauty)

Pros of dating me

  • You can hold my hand whenever you want
  • You can cuddle with me whenever you want
  • You can kiss me whenever you want

Cons of dating me

  • I get jealous easily
  • I’m sad a lot
  • I will never feel good enough for you no matter how many times you tell me I am

(Source: the-many-faults-in-our-stars, via everyonechillthefuckout)

gaydicks420:

last night i woke up because two dudes were fighting underneath my window and one dude kept screaming “BRO!! BRO YOU CALLED ME A BITCH IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE BAR BRO!! THE WHOLE BAR!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT BRO??” he sounded so heart broken. why bro. why did you do this.

(via ugly)

bryanchoppertagteam:

magicalmanhattanproject:

if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties

Ladies real talk

(via daring-beauty)

futurefantastic:

battybatty:

Date a guy who opens your jars and wine bottles for you

"please. please stop opening all my jars and wine bottles. I’m not ready for them yet. you’re just letting it all go bad. my whole house smells like wine and pickles and I can’t live like this"

(via udirtylittlefuck)

gr8cosplaytips:

gr8cosplaytips:

gr8cosplaytips:

how do japanese chihuahuas say hello

konnichihuahua

i told this joke to my mom and she just shook her head and asked me why i haven’t moved out yet

(via udirtylittlefuck)

lav3nd3rsky:

IVE LITERALLY NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH OMG WHEN SHE BANGS HER HEAD i cant

lav3nd3rsky:

IVE LITERALLY NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH OMG WHEN SHE BANGS HER HEAD i cant

(via ugly)

cknd:

Dreams would be much more fun if they were multi-player servers that other sleeping people could join.

(via ugly)